Archive | March, 2012


Why Won’t Google+ Die?

I’m am sick and tired of Google+.

It’s dull.

It’s not innovating.

There is next to no engagement on there.

I’ve been circled by almost 600 people, and I have no fucking clue how they hell they found me. I suspect most of them are robots.

I’ve got enough crap to pay attention to without a carbon copy of Facebook.

Hell, even Pinterest is more fun. At least the ladies on there will teach me how to make some decorative crap.

I get that Facebook needs competition. But this isn’t competition. This is whiny child forcing everyone to go to its party under some threat that it won’t be our friend anymore.

Nobody likes Google+. Well, some people do, but they’re weird. I imagine they’re people who also like Linux.

So why won’t it just go away? Won’t the world be better without another boring social network?


LinkedIn Needs a New Design Now

Paint LinkedIn like one of your French Girls - The Anti-Social MediaLinkedIn is a total badass of a social network. LinkedIn does one thing and does it well, and tells the other social networks to fuck off.

But LinkedIn is starting to look like a dinosaur. It layout is cluttered and it looks old, like a house from Hoarders.

It’s design has nothing really going for it, or against it. There are a million features no one uses. The only people who have ever used them are “personal branding experts,” and it’s questionable how much they got out of them.

The biggest thing that bugs me about the profile design is it’s more disorganized then  five year old’s toy box . Everyone’s profile is like the world’s longest list of self-promotional crap. And if you’ve ever had more than one job, then it goes on forever. And ever. And Ever.

Don’t even get me started about people with a hundred recommendations.

So let’s fix it. LinkedIn, figure out a way to make our information relevant and easily accessible, but without looking like it’s going on forever and ever.

It can be done. Most people’s careers aren’t that interesting. Make things collapsable. Make users prioritize which information is useful to them. Figure it out before we all become inundated with overly long and boring professional profiles.

Otherwise we’ll all look like bunch of digital career hoarders, and I don’t want a TV crew from A&E going through that shit.


YouTube Ads

YouTube Ads - The Anti-Social MediaYouTube used to be a mecca of user-created cat videos. You’d go there and watch as much stuff as you could before your eyeballs fell out.

It was awesome.

Now, I go on YouTube to watch videos that are only a minute long, and I am subjected to commercials. 30-second commercials. 15 second commercials. Commercials I can skip. Commercials I can’t skip.

What the fuck?

I get that YouTube needs to make money. It takes a shit ton of electricity and energy to run all the servers to deliver all that HD  goodness quickly around the world. That stuff doesn’t pay for itself.

But where is the line between convenience and profit? Why am I forced to pay attention to a boring commercial that is almost as long as the video? And why can I skip some commercials, but I’m forced to watch other commercials entirely?

Just make up your damn mind already YouTube. Either make us watch these crappy commercials, or don’t. And whatever you choose, be clear about it to us, the users.

For the love of God, just let us watch our cat videos in peace.


F*&% You Friday! Teenagers at Starbucks.

Teenagers at Starbucks - The Anti-Social MediaI do a lot of my writing at Starbucks.

Crappy coffee, hipster music, and overly dramatic conversations in public fuel my hatred of all things social media.

But ugh, I am so sick of teenagers at Starbucks.

Teenagers at Starbucks don’t pay attention to one another. They pull out their iPad or their computer and then stare at it, giggle, look at each other, and then continue to giggle obnoxiously while staring at their computer.

It’s like they aren’t even a foot away from each other.

You start wonder what the hell they are doing on their laptop that they couldn’t do at home in front of their parents.

You wonder about their social skills, and how if they can’t talk to heir friend they are sitting right next to, what the hell they will do when they have a job.

What’s even worse is when they are on Skype with each other, wasting the precious bandwidth that is already being eaten alive by the freak show in the corner playing World of Warcraft.


Look, I’m all about meeting your friends at Starbucks, but when you meet them to stare at your individual laptops, what’s the point? SHouldn’t you just stay home?

Fuck you teenagers. Fuck you for making me worry about the social skills of the future, which look like they are failing miserably in the face of unrelenting technological changes.


Should I buy the new iPad?

Should I buy the new iPad - The Anti-Social MediaApple released a new iPad last week. It’s shiny and it does things.

But the real question is “Do you need it?”

Well, I’m here to help.

Should I buy the new iPad if I have an iPad 1 or 2?

Yes. It’s new, and therefor infinitely better than anything old. You should buy it as soon as humanly possible.

But what if I want to skip this one and get the next iPad?

No, you need this one. Right now. Next year is far away and you can’t live for a year without this.

The iPad 2 is cheaper now at $399. Should I buy that?

No. if you get last year’s model you’ll just look an uncool, cheap bastard. And you’ll be stuck looking that way until you upgrade in five years.

Black or white?

Both. Don’t be racist.

4G or no 4G?

4G. Can you live your life without being connected to the internet? I know I can’t. Get the 4G so you never have to be alone, even for a single, solitary moment.

16, 32, or 64 GB?

Just get the biggest one. You’re going to need space for apps and cat photos.

AT&T or Verizon?

Whichever you consider to be less evil.

Covers and Accessories?

Pimp out that iPad with as many accessories and cases as you can. It should basically look like a blingee.

When should I buy this new piece of magical technology?

Yesterday. Or as soon as you possibly can. Wait out in the rain for months if necessary. And get me a couple too.

What about an alternative tablet, like a Kindle Fire?

No. Just no. There is only the iPad.  Anything else is just crap.



Boring Old Content - The Anti-Social MediaI think “content” is a disgusting word.

I was reminded of this after I got a message that said to “Keep making great content!”

Seriously? You can’t even name what I make?

I think of myself as a blogger, writer and cartoonist. I don’t think of myself as someone who just makes content. It offends me that you can’t name the things I write and draw.

Content sounds dull. Content is not compelling. Content is a bland, tasteless gruel that we have shoved down our throats daily.

If content is king, he is a vague and nondescript king.

Who grows up thinking, “I want to make content when I grow up!” No one. Because people don’t just create content.

Writers write blogs. Artists draw pictures. Filmmakers make videos.

And any generic person can make weak, boring content. It takes a person with guts to make something real and defined.


My New Blog

So I started a new blog.

No, I’m not abandoning this one. It makes me too much money. I love you all too much to do that.

But it’s hard to stay angry all the time at Facebook, Twitter and Google and their millions of dumbs users.

Ok, well that’s easy, but I’d like to write something different for once.

So, if you’d like, watch me fail as I try to get fit on I Hate Workouts.

I Hate Workouts - Fitness is for Suckers