Have you heard of this thing called real life? It consists of what people do when they aren’t plugged into Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Foursquare, Tumblr, Flickr, Instagram, and Quora.
Apparently, it can affect what you do online.
Scary, right?
What is a social media wizard supposed to do? Become a social media muggle? Can that even be done?
Here’s what I’ve learned. If you don’t go take care of things in the real world, they come back to get you online, just when you were about to sit down and watch a video remix of a cat doing something cute and ridiculous that you’ve never seen before.
So take a social media break. Go handle all the things in the real world. But only if you’re a wimp.
Don’t worry, you won’t miss anything, except my best post ever, your friend’s funniest tweet, and a really lame question about cats on Quora. You might also miss a video of a baby doing something cute and hilarious, and you’ll never be able to go back onto YouTube and watch it and everyone will think you are culturally incompetent for missing that video. And everyone will think you are terrible for replying to an e-mail after 24 hours.
Don’t be a wimp. Stay awake 24 hours, all day, every day. Never miss a tweet. Let no status go without comment. Be the ultimate professional on LinkedIn. The ultimate friend on Facebook. The greatest follower on Twitter.
You don’t need a social media break. Plug in until you collapse. It’s what all the cool kids do.
Real men break social media, not the other way around.
*flex*
OH YEAH!
Jay, first time here man and me likey the way your brain thinks
Nothing better than sarcastic wit to make a guy smile in the morning.
I’m subscribed now and will be back again….and of course promise to never, ever, miss a post
Marcus
So nice to see you on here Marus! LOVE your blog - your whole deal!
You better not. I’m going to hold you to this because I can’t read sarcasm. I can only write it.
Thanks for the advice Jay. For a minute I thought personal, real life experience would enrich my online content. I was wrong.
Thanks for setting the record straight.
Didn’t you take a day off last week? Wimp!
I took a day off blogging. I did spend the day tweeting, Facebook-ing, and all the other stuff I do.
You failed to mention that your Klout score will take a nosedive. Consequences!
I take my chances with days off anyway because that’s how I roll.
Oh my poor Klout Score! If it dips below 50 everyone will hate me forever!
Haha, this post was hilarious Jay! I especially like the blown-up image you’ve got there.
Entertaining read!
Christina
Hilarious? It’s meant to be completely serious.
The same could be said of not only social media, but location based services such as foursquare, gowalla, etc. particularly.
I recently ran into a friend at a local event and when she saw me, she was shocked.
“I didn’t know you were here. Why you didn’t check in on foursquare?”
Really, I need to check in everywhere I go so people can follow me, now? WTF.
It didn’t happen if you didn’t check in on Foursquare, tweet about it, post on Facebook, and update your LinkedIn Profile.
Jay, how did you become the Man?
I have no social life off of the internet.
I wish I could just inject the internet straight into my brain through my phone or something. So it could all just flow to me instantly. Yeah, that’s the ticket!
One day when we are all cyborgs this will happen.
Funny stuff Jay! Right on, right on! Thanks for the great post! Elena
Your are talking about FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out.
I have it, you have it, we all have it.
I have no fear. Except of someone taking Twitter away.
Hey Jay - thanks for yet another great post!
I look forward to a giggle while trawling through tedious emails everyday!! 
Orls