The Worst Blogger Pitch Ever

Name Drop - The Anti-Social MediaYesterday, I got a pitch telling me to congratulate to someone I don’t know because some publication I don’t care about named him as a top social media influencer along with a bunch of other name drops.


I can’t even begin to fathom who thought this was a good idea. Because I’m a nice person though, I won’t name names. BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Instead, please enjoy my humorous recreation of this abomination:

Happy Holidays Jay!

Even though I have no clue who you are, I wanted to send you some irrelevant news. We are super excited to say our Corporate Tool was named by a publication you don’t care about as leading social media influencer. He was awarded along with a bunch of other people, including Name Drop #1, Name Drop #2, and Name Drop #3. We’re so proud of him!

Even though you don’t know him, tell him congratulations. A half-hearted tweet would be so thoughtful!

We’ll use the rest of the email to tell you additional meaningless, self-serving news you don’t care about. We want you to use the social capital you’ve carefully built up to serve our purposes with no compensation for you.


 Your Favorite Clueless Agency

I don’t know you. I don’t know your “influence.” And I certainly don’t give shit about your meaningless award.

Congratulations on continuing to give smart, thoughtful, and hard working social media and public relations professionals a bad name with your half-assed, name-dropping and self-serving pitch.

Happy Holidays indeed, chumps.

Tags: ,

23 Responses to “The Worst Blogger Pitch Ever”

  1. Rand December 22, 2011 at 7:50 am #

    Ah Jay, bless their attention seeking, influence starved little hearts. Why just yesterday I was speaking with the ghosts of STEVE JOBS, MOTHER THERESA and THE LOCAL WEATHERMAN WHO SPOUTS HEALTH TIPS about this very thing…

    • Jay December 22, 2011 at 9:50 am #

      Me too! Our seance was very productive, and they even when on to name me as social media messiah. I’m crafting the blogger outreach messaging right now!

      • Rand December 22, 2011 at 10:28 am #

        Come to think of it, your name did come up!

  2. Deb Ng December 22, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    I got the same pitch. Still don’t know who this “influencer” is or why his people had to send me a pitch to congratulate him but the whole thing is silly.

    As I mentioned to you yesterday:

    A) if so and so was such an influencer, he wouldn’t need some P.R. guy to contact a bunch of people who don’t know him to congratulate him.
    B). If he’s such an influencer than why don’t we know who he is?
    C). if he’s so influential why doesn’t he know that having someone pitch us to congratulate him is so incredibly lame it makes him look like an ass?
    D) If he was so influential folks would be congratulating him without prompts from his people.

    That is all. Well it’s not all but it’s all I could come up with for now.

    • Jay December 22, 2011 at 11:34 am #

      Whatever the reasons were, he just needs be really glad that we’re not naming names.

      Like, really, really really glad.

  3. Prof. Torg December 22, 2011 at 11:21 am #

    So did you email the response posted here or any response?

    • Jay December 22, 2011 at 11:35 am #

      I emailed them telling them how stupid this was and to remove me from any of their mailing lists.

  4. Fadra December 22, 2011 at 11:28 am #

    Was it about me? Let me know. I’m always the last to know when I’m an award winner. And I’ll take all the half-hearted congratulatory tweets I can get.

    • Jay December 22, 2011 at 11:37 am #

      Nope, sorry. You’re too cool to win that dumb award.

  5. Camilo Olea December 22, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    Ah, but of course. I’ve had my fair share of stupid emails like that one too. Best part is when I used to reply asking for something in return for my “endorsement” ( maybe a link back or something) and I would get a nice “oh sorry, we are not authorized to do that.” as a reply.

    Nowadays I just delete them and create filters in my gmail to automatically delete any further crap coming from them. Happy holidays chumps!

    • Jay December 22, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

      I only accept pitches from people who send me free crap to go along with the crappy email.

      • Camilo Olea December 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

        Exactly. Hey, if you want to treat me like a social media whore, don’t whores get money for their services? Just sayin.

  6. Bill Dorman December 22, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

    It sounded good when I sent it……………

    • Bill Dorman December 23, 2011 at 1:15 pm #

      Awaiting moderation…………..really…………..

      • Jay December 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

        Yeah, I have a life when I’m not looking at this site… and I like to make sure the comments don’t bring down the quality of the post. I know, it’s crazy.

    • Jay December 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

      Don’t lie that you sent it. You don’t want to be associated with this.

  7. Morgan December 22, 2011 at 4:04 pm #

    What I find confusing is why they had to send you an email to tell you to tweet this HIGHLY INFLUENTIAL person….people with a lot of influence, don’t need to go around telling people to tweet them.

    • Jay December 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm #

      Apparently to be influential in 2012, you need to tell people you’re influential.

  8. Ashley December 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    In this crappy pitch, did they actually address you by name? If so, I would be thoroughly surprised.

    • Jay December 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

      They did actually. After that it all went downhill.

  9. J December 23, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    That’s pretty ripe! Here’s my favorite I’ve ever received:

    Dear fashion blogger,
    I’m a clueless college intern writing on behalf of a huge national fashion brand. They are throwing a local event that starts in approximately 2 hours and would love for you to join us! Even though you don’t really cover fashion events on your blog, we have come up with a detailed plan on exactly how you should talk about us. Also, our owners are TONS younger than you, so you should feel great knowing that they can connect with an audience that is TONS younger than you… I’m just guessing your age, but you’re like, at least 40 right?


    I don’t think I have to tell you that assuming a woman is 15 years older than she really is is a bad move…. :-)

  10. JayZo December 27, 2011 at 11:57 pm #

    Let’s all take a moment to remember the sad plight of the person who works at the agency and sent that email. Here’s their situation:

    - They’re probably entry level, working 80hrs/week for $30K after graduating a top NESCAC school (guilty for that part) and expecting a sweet first job.

    - They’re promoting a figure head brought in to be a bo$$ and really just tweet, blog, and give keynotes all day - basically, the life (for some) - while they slog through crap and now slog through sending this email.

    - They have to deal with tweets, blog posts and email replies by guys like Jay and me and the rest of us, who get these emails every. damn. day…and then like playing with it. When all they want is to hand in a report that shows great email opens, click-throughs and conversions. Alas, they can only hand over a pile of sarcastic, snide remarks and a buncha weak looking stats. Sadfacetimes.


  1. So You Want to Write a Media Release and Influence a Journalist? Part 16 | Spotlight on Marketing - January 26, 2012

    [...] “The Worst Blogger Pitch Ever” by Jay Dolan (@JayDolan) [...]

Leave a Reply