While many of my readers would say Facebook is shit, a curious dichotomy would be how many of them shit and use Facebook. According to a survey by AIS Media, 27% of respondents to a recent poll admitted to using Facebook on a mobile device while in the bathroom.

Twenty-seven percent. That’s over 1 in 4 people who are updating their statuses while they relieve themselves. America, what is wrong with you?

Can we talk about how disgusting this is? I don’t know anyone who seriously cleans his or her cellphone. Sure, I might take a Chlorox wipe and gently go over my phone, but that doesn’t count as cleaning it and eliminating the disgusting funk that accumulates on it from being in my pockets and hands all day long. Now picture the nastiness you leave on that phone while you’re answering the call of nature.

Facebook in the bathroom is disgusting and unsanitary. Imagine you gave your phone over to a friend to make a quick call after your visit to the commode. Are you ok with getting your poop on a friend’s face because you needed to “like” some photos? Because I refuse to get my poop on anyone. Ever.

I’ll let you figure out how to deal with the awkward situation where you need to wipe your shit off someone else’s face after you updated your status.

Also, I want to know who the hell the 6.6% of respondents who answered “I don’t know” are. How do you not know if you’ve used Facebook in the bathroom or not? Did someone slip you an iPhone with Facebook open by accident while your pants were down? It’s a simple yes or no question, unless you dragged your laptop in the bathroom with you, which is just as disgusting.

For all the technology and the connectivity we have, we have no common sense. Don’t use your cell phone, whether for Facebook, Twitter, texting or whatever, in the bathroom. It’s gross and unsanitary, and no one likes an iPhone that smells like shit.

This is why we can’t have nice things.