Like every day there is an Apple event, yesterday was a terrible day on every social network.
Apple unveiled the iPhone 4S, and everyone in the world was disappointed because it was a cool cell phone and not a magical technological brick that could save the world from being depressed about a broken economy and terrible labor market.
All the nerds of the world gave into the hype and rumors that have been swirling around for months in their wet dreams. It has a bigger screen! It has 4G! It cooks and cleans and prints money! Of course, all of these were based on pure speculation and no real facts, because Apple would kill anyone who with facts.
Instead of being patient, normal people who don’t spend their lives basing their hopes and dreams on disposable gadgets, the people of the internet went insane for a device that they had no true idea about. People even went so far as to make a prototype based entirely on speculation, and that turned out completely wrong.
And then Apple’s event went down and  the internet went crazy because the device didn’t match all the hype and crap that has been pumped into them for months.
Let’s go through your weak disappointments and why they suck:
- No new design - Why does a cell phone need a new design? Does it do what it needs to do? Does the new design add any features? The design should serve the function, not be designed for design’s sake.
- Same size screen - Seriously, why do you need a bigger screen on your phone? What do you plan to do with that thing? Watch TV with 5 of your friends? That’s why you have a TV. This is supposed to fit in your pocket, not your man-purse.
- No 4G - 4G sucks right now. It eats your battery, and it barely covers any useful part of the US. This shit can wait until it gets useful.
Tech journalists - Stop fueling this madness. Post real news and reviews, not baseless rumors and speculation that has no basis in reality.
Nerds - stop living your life for disposable phones that already make our lives more complicated than we ever needed them to be. Pay off your bills, save up for something useful, and don’t bitch and whine when you don’t get you way with a gadget you have absolutely no control over.
Now that I got that out of me, what mystical feature did you want from the next version of the iPhone? Free money? 3D? Apps that make more apps? Let me know what you think in the comments.
