Archive | December, 2010


Rule #6: Have Fun

Rule #^ Have FunSocial networks are great distributors of information. People share news, updates and tidbits that interest them.  Within minutes we can all be commenting on how terrible the new Gap logo is, when really, it’s just a logo we shouldn’t care that much about.

Before social networks became information powerhouses, there was a time you liked Facebook. Facebook wasn’t creepy before Cityville began taking over your life and your Aunt Gertrude posted another embarassing story on your wall daily.  It’s fun to keep up with your friends and play games with them.

Social Networking is supposed to be fun.  That’s why we have real friends to begin with. Most normal people get a kick out of spending time with other people and doing activities together. Remember that when you get online.

Social Networks don’t always have to be about work and spreading your message. You don’t always need to be working on your personal brand. You can get online to chat, to connect, to catch up, or play a game. Lord knows those actually might be more productive than trying to sell people crap through your Facebook page.

Have fun. Post something you think is funny. Let your hair down. We want to see your last shred of humanity.


Rule #5: Take Breaks

Rule # 5 - Take BreaksWant to survive the harsh world of social media? Feel like you’re being crushed under the weight of thousands of tweets, Facebook updates, and YouTube updates of adorable cat videos? I hate to break it to you, but you are suffering under a mountain of never ending content.

Thanks to the internet, we now publish more content daily than anyone could ever hope to read in their lifetime. Every minute, another 24 hours of video is published to YouTube alone. It’s futile to try and keep up with everything. There just isn’t enough time.

So, take a break.

We aren’t built to be in a world of endless communication and updates. Give yourself time away from the buzz and hubbub.  You’ll appreciate the tools more when you come back to them, and realize how much you never needed them to begin with.

Finding a the time of the day when you check on Facebook, Twitter or blogs makes the constant flow of information bearable. Set limits. Avoid your smartphone when you can.

Think you can’t do it? Need a day to start with? Try starting with Christmas Day. All you’ll be missing is people sharing their gifts and well wishes. Really, you’re not missing too much, and no one will think you’re a grinch if you don’t tweet Merry Christmas. Well, at least I won’t.

Take a social media vacation. The people around you will be glad to see your face once again.


Rule #4 Be Yourself

Rule # 4: Be YourselfIf you need a personal brand, you’re doing it wrong.

Be yourself online.

You can be your best self. You can be your worst self. But whoever you are, be YOUR self.

No one will believe you if pretend to be a hot blonde with a bubbly personality anyways.


Rule #3: Be Nice

Rule #3: Be NiceThe internet isn’t a nice place. People act on their primal instincts. You’re only 5 clicks away from porn at any point. Trolls lurk beneath every comment box. Guys like me publish blogs that routinely have titles like “I hate Facebook.”

And you wonder why you despise human contact.

The internet, like everywhere else in the world, is what you make of it. If you want it to be a sewer of terrible information and hatred, then go ahead and let the internet be that cesspool. Write with anger. Reply only with bitterness. Be jealous of everyone who has ten more Facebook friends than you.

But if you want it to get better, you’re going to have to actually do something. Problems only get better when you take action. Sometimes that something is complaining, but in the noise of the internet, most people aren’t going to care about one more angry tweet or a grumbling Facebook status. And if anger and pessimism aren’t the solution, there’s only one other option.

Be nice.

Even if it hurts to smile, if you don’t have anything nice to say, if you’d rather tear someone’s intestines out and make them jump rope with them while you watch and giggle in sadistic pleasure, be the better person. It’s easier to like someone when they aren’t pissing people off or going around starting fights. People want to work with and help people who behave rationally and treat other people with respect. And if we all take a moment to stop acting like greedy animals, we learn and grow more from one another. Crazy, isn’t it?

The internet is more fun when we aren’t having fun at someone’s expense, unless that person is Mark Zuckerberg. Take the time to slap on a smile and a somewhat charming personality. Who knows? People may actually like you if you aren’t baiting them to anger at every turn.


Rule #2: Keep Your Friends Real

Rule #2 Keep Your Friends RealIf the technology introduced in 2010 is any indication, 2011 is going to introduce even more items that are tied into the internet and the social web.  Farmville 2, Opium Edition will surely be more addictive. iPhone 5 will be so revolutionary and mystical that Apple will make up words to describe it’s genius. All of these devices and software will be designed to keep you constantly plugged into the internet and hundreds of useless updates about insignificant things happening online.

While you may be lusting for your iPad 2, your Google Nexus Z, or your next fix of Farmville 2, there will be people just beyond the soft glow of those screens. People you may care about and who probably care about you.  People who like you even though you care more about tiny computer than them.

Pay some attention to them.  Give them quality time where you turn off your phone and step away from the computer. Connect doing things that involve something more than watching a movie or playing a video game. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you to explore it beyond the pixels of Cityville.

Also, take some time to go and meet your friends from Twitter or wherever in real life if you can. Unless you are putting up a complete facade online, you’ll probably get along with these people you’ve been talking with.  Meeting them will deepen the relationship you have with them online. Who knows? You may actually like meeting real people.

Give meaning to your online relationships. Take them offline for a while. The time spent avoiding Twitter will be well worth it.


Rule #1: Cut The Fat

Rule #1 Cut the FatFace it. If you’re anything like most of us American slobs, one of your many overambitious New Year’s resolutions will be to lose weight.

You’re not going to lose those extra thirty pounds because the calendar changed from 2010 to 2011 and you took two extra walks around the cul-de-sac. You can though, take charge of all the crap you’re seeing online.

It only takes a few minutes to unfollow the people who have been driving you nuts. Drop them as Facebook friends, or block their posts from appearing in your newsfeed. If you’re really unsure, put them on a list somewhere you can check into, and check it only when absolutely necessary.  You’ll learn quickly you’re not missing out on much besides that someone used Twitter from the toilet once again.

Save yourself the stress and disgust. Take the ten minutes and get rid of the crap and human pollution in your online life.  This social media cleanse makes time for those real relationships you want to keep alive, and maybe if you cut enough people out you might be able to make some time to get to the gym.

Enjoy the freedom from the tyranny that is online “friendship.” Your friend from middle school you never kept in touch with anyways won’t be too upset.


The 13 Rules to Survive Social Media in 2011

The 13 Rules to Survive Social Media in 2011

Hanukah has 8 nights. There are 12 Days of Christmas. Kwanzaa has a number of days I didn’t learn about because I didn’t pay attention in school (7, Thanks Wikipedia!). The Anti-Social Media ends 2010 with the thirteen rules to survive social media in 2011.  Why 13? Because 666 just seemed a bit out of reach by December 31, even with crowdsourcing demonic help.

So, get your RSS subscription and your retweets ready for the next 13 days.  If you don’t want to improve your lazy self, you’re going to want to passive-aggressively share these with all the people and businesses you know know who absolutely suck.


Why I Don’t Care About Wikileaks

Wikileaks - The name you can trust for leaksI’ve been nursing a slow hate of Wikileaks.  The more I read about it, it just seems like a group of angry nerds who want attention by throwing up as much information as possible and hoping some part of it is so disgusting people will keep looking.

So, without further ado, here’s what’s driving me nuts about the most controversial media website online.

  1. Who has time to read all these documents? Every time I hear about Wikileaks releasing documents, the number is always in the hundreds of thousands. Who are they expecting to read all of these things? Average folks don’t have the time for that kind of reading, even if we do have the interest. Who do they think we are, grad students? Apparently, the authors of Wikileaks have the best attention spans on the web. Need proof? Just look at how long their about page is.
  2. Julian Assange is Not SexyJulian Assange is weird. I don’t know if Mr. Assange has raped anyone. I don’t really know too much about him besides what I’ve read online. However, I do know he poses for pictures in an oddly sexual way, like he wants to be Anderson Cooper, but he isn’t legitimate, or sexy, like Anderson Cooper. Also, who does he think he is stealing my red tie?
  3. What kind of a name is Wikileaks? When I think of a wiki, I think of a group of documents that anyone can edit, like Wikipedia.  While I realize not all Wikis are editable that way, but the name sounds like a brand of diapers that are easy to change. Just imagine the taglines.  “Wikileaks: the diapers anyone can change.” or “Wikileaks: poop is in your hands now.”
  4. Their logo is disgusting. Just look at it. Do I need to say more?
  5. Wikileaks - This Logo Is DisgustingThey aren’t helping anyone. I’d be more supportive of these leaks were doing something to help people. Instead, they are just embarrassing governments and causing divisions because someone from the UK wrote down something like, “Hilary Clinton looks like a pink nightmare in that pantsuit.” This is exactly the type of information that’s going to bring support to your cause and change the world.

I’m all for free speech, but what’s the point of it if you’re just going to abuse it? We can write and say whatever we want online, but how we choose to do so makes all the difference. Creating information terrorism as blackmail is no better than the corruption they are trying to expose.

Am I crazy in my disgust of Wikileaks? Do you hate them too? I want to know what you all think before Anonymous takes down my site for saying Julian Assange looks creepy.