Do You Facebook and Poop?

Do You Facebook and Poop - The Anti-Social MediaWhile many of my readers would say Facebook is shit, a curious dichotomy would be how many of them shit and use Facebook. According to a survey by AIS Media, 27% of respondents to a recent poll admitted to using Facebook on a mobile device while in the bathroom.

Twenty-seven percent. That’s over 1 in 4 people who are updating their statuses while they relieve themselves. America, what is wrong with you?

Can we talk about how disgusting this is? I don’t know anyone who seriously cleans his or her cellphone. Sure, I might take a Chlorox wipe and gently go over my phone, but that doesn’t count as cleaning it and eliminating the disgusting funk that accumulates on it from being in my pockets and hands all day long. Now picture the nastiness you leave on that phone while you’re answering the call of nature.

Facebook in the bathroom is disgusting and unsanitary. Imagine you gave your phone over to a friend to make a quick call after your visit to the commode. Are you ok with getting your poop on a friend’s face because you needed to “like” some photos? Because I refuse to get my poop on anyone. Ever.

I’ll let you figure out how to deal with the awkward situation where you need to wipe your shit off someone else’s face after you updated your status.

Also, I want to know who the hell the 6.6% of respondents who answered “I don’t know” are. How do you not know if you’ve used Facebook in the bathroom or not? Did someone slip you an iPhone with Facebook open by accident while your pants were down? It’s a simple yes or no question, unless you dragged your laptop in the bathroom with you, which is just as disgusting.

For all the technology and the connectivity we have, we have no common sense. Don’t use your cell phone, whether for Facebook, Twitter, texting or whatever, in the bathroom. It’s gross and unsanitary, and no one likes an iPhone that smells like shit.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

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34 Responses to “Do You Facebook and Poop?”

  1. Michael LaRocca January 28, 2011 at 7:18 am #

    Now this is what I want my blog to be. This post right here. This one. I read it in the toilet, too.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:09 am #

      You were in a toilet? That sounds disgusting.

      Also, poop is not a great regular blog topic.

  2. Brad January 28, 2011 at 7:39 am #

    The interesting question is: how does this translate to the analog world, where I’d imagine more than 1 in 4 people keep a book or magazine (or a mini-library) to read in the bathroom.

    The one that always perplexed me as a child was that my parents kept a phone in their bathroom that sat proudly upon their porcelain throne…

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:10 am #

      Hmm, good point on the books or magazines. At least you can burn those.

      And it worries me about this phone int he bathroom idea. That seems like it would scare me.

  3. John Morrow January 28, 2011 at 9:12 am #

    “Because I refuse to get my poop on anyone. Ever.”

    I dunno man, that’s a deal breaker for some chicks. Don’t cock block yourself :)

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:11 am #

      No. Just…. no.

    • Glen F February 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

      damn… i was going to make that exact comment

      • Jay February 2, 2011 at 11:20 pm #

        Great minds think alike about scat play.

  4. Joshua S Sweeney January 28, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    Hey. Sometimes the bathroom is the only time I’d have to update my status!

    It’s a good thing I never use Facebook.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:12 am #

      Better comment.

      “Hey. Sometimes the bathroom is the only time I’d have to update my status!

      It’s a good thing I never use the restroom.” ;)

  5. aburtch January 28, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    This post is why the world needs The Anti-Social Media. Who else raises these delicate issues or brings such real world concerns to the forefront?

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:13 am #

      Exactly. We need to talk about this shit.

  6. Dino Dogan January 28, 2011 at 10:47 am #

    LMAO @ “no one likes an iPhone that smells like shit”. You’re freakin hilarious dude…keep it up.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:13 am #

      Exactly. I like my iPhone to smell like unicorn farts.

  7. Christine McCarthy January 28, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    Oh my! What a topic. But you have a good point there, gross. Totally unsanitary. Eww..

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:14 am #

      Yeah, we’re a disgusting bunch of people with smartphones.

  8. Morgan January 28, 2011 at 11:14 am #

    Poopbook. I laughed my ass off when I saw that. I needed that today. So, thanks for that!

    I’m also going to refer to it as Poopbook from now on.

    It’s like when Twitter was first getting started, people were just updating their status’ to say they were on the toilet.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:35 am #

      I wanted to buy, but it’s over $2,000. A boy can dream though, right?

      • Morgan January 31, 2011 at 11:35 am #

        I bet Facebook is hoarding it, not wanting to be associated with ‘poop’. Bastards.

  9. Claire Wagner January 28, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

    I have a good friend who dropped his iPOD in the toilet. It was a goner. I mean, like, who DOESN’T have music piped into their bathroom already? What a loser.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:55 am #

      Damn that sucks. Addendum to this post: Don’t listen to your iPod and poop.

  10. Brett Henley January 28, 2011 at 5:50 pm #

    Oh holy hell yes … still convinced that Facebook = Skynet.

    You laugh, but wait till Zuckie admits his secret man love for Tom Selleck in Runaway and boom goes the wookie … we’re all eating mash out of old soup cans and avoiding machine-gunning robots.

    Fantastic post for a Friday my friend. Kudos and thank you.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:56 am #

      I just try to bring joy on Fridays before we all become a part of the Borg.

  11. Kia January 28, 2011 at 7:51 pm #

    Real friends dn’to let their friends touch their poop covered phones. its just not prudent.

    • Jay January 29, 2011 at 2:55 am #

      Real friends like hygiene.

  12. Jami Dix February 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm #

    Guilty. But, just because I look at FB in the bathroom doesn’t mean I’m getting poop on my phone. I’m not wiping with it…lol.

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

      Maybe you aren’t, but I don’t trust the rest of America.

      • Jami Dix February 2, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

        True dat.

  13. A. Jones February 2, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

    I am one of four who use the bathroom and am on facebook. What makes it unsanitary is if you touch your phone/computer after wiping without washing your hands which I don’t do. My bathroom is my place of peace and solace, who cares if I’m relieving myself while playing bejeweled blitz. Your toothbrush is in the bathroom why can’t your phone/computer be?

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

      We need a more scientific poll of people who use Facebook before and after wiping.

      • A. Jones February 3, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

        My point exactly. Glad you understand.

  14. James M February 5, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    The sad thing is that some research department in a University is going to study this to death and figure out how many wipe before using the cell, how many are chatting on the toilet vs playing Farmville, and what phone users are more likely to use on the toilet. Are iPhone users dirtier than Android users? I’m sure BlackBerry users lead the way by a landslide.

  15. Miguel Camacho February 5, 2011 at 6:27 pm #

    Guilty of all charges, but i do wash my hand and clean my iPhone… the post is hilarious, you write like a Marlboro Cowboy Champ.

    Keep it up


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