I took an unannounced vacation last week because I’m a D-dist Blogger and I make my own rules. I do what I want and I treat my readers like little sociopaths. It’s the glamorous life at its finest.
However, I always get asked, “Jay, what’s it like being a social media star? Do they give you free coffee at Starbucks? Do you get recognized everywhere you go? Are the groupies awesome?”
Let me tell you, it’s not like that at all. In fact, it’s even worse. There’s no free coffee. You’re only recognized by insane stalkers. And there are no groupies. Just Twitter followers.
Want to see how amazing the life of a blogger is? Let’s go through my typical social media day.
7 am: Wake up. Look at my iPhone and see I’ve got 200 new e-mails. I whine to my cat, and then slam my face back into a pillow.
8 am: Wake up again. See it’s 8, and rush into the shower, eat some breakfast, and run to work. I begin looking through all 200 e-mails, and see most of them require no attention of mine. Mass delete becomes my friend.
9 am: Get to work. Work on making the Facebook more fun and social for my clients. Open up Tweetdeck and begin looking into the Matrix.
10 am: Keep working on Facebook. Maybe having a meeting or two. Keep one eye on the Matrix incase anything weird pops up, like a free iPad or some other crap.
11 am: Keep working on Facebook, maybe switch to Twitter for the hour just for kicks.
12 pm: Decide I want lunch. Realize I forgot to pack a lunch. Decide that McDonald’s will do. Run out to the golden arches as my arteries begin to clog in anticipation. Read more e-mails on my phone while stuck in the drive through line because everyone else wants delicious Chicken McNuggets. Eventually scarf down my lunch and take a nap in my car.
1 pm: Return to work. Keep working on Facebook. Rejoice from the being revived after my nap and the intake of a full 32 ounces of coke.
2 pm: More work on Facebook. This is usually the point where I consider making an app that would crush my enemies. I like to call it, “Catville.”
3 pm: Get called away from Facebook to go to a meeting about Facebook. I can’t get my fix, but it’s close enough for an hour.
4 pm: Switch to LinkedIn and YouTube at this time of day just to really throw people for a loop.
5 pm: Finish up work. Call someone from my family on the drive home. Hope I don’t have to scream at any incompetent drivers who are texting or sitting in the middle of the road with no apparent idea how to drive because they are too busy tweeting about that funny thing they said to their coworker.
6 pm: Make dinner. Give affection to the cat who has been hiding in my bedroom closet all day because she is afraid of anything within our apartment when I am not available to scare it away.
7 pm: Go to the community theatre to do work. This could also be replaced with go to a networking event depending on the night.
8 pm: Wrap up at the theatre or networking event. Begin driving home and thinking of something to blog about. If I get a good idea, I possibly record an audio note with my basic ideas. Usually I just like to sing along to the radio instead.
9 pm: Look at my blog and see all the comments. Decide that I need to give my readers some attention and plow through the comments as fast as possible.
10 pm: Plow through Google Reader. Share the one article worth sharing, usually something about how Facebook is killing us all. Begin writing my blog post.
11 pm: Finish up my blog post and draw the cartoon.
12 pm: Collapse into bed. Hope I don’t have to do the same thing again tomorrow.
So there you go. The glamourous life a D-List blogger leads. Sounds sexy, doesn’t it? I know I get excited when I read that schedule.
Is your blogging life that awesome? LEt me know so when I come back at 9 pm I’ll have someone to talk to.
you’re the kathy griffin of social media! feels good to be a d-lister, don’t it?
Finally. I always wanted to be the red-headed step child of blogging comedy.
I would love to lead your life, My life is filled with lot of programming stuff and then writing a blog post after hundreds of lines of code literally kills me everyday. Wish we could exchange lives
I’d love to lead my own life too. It would be nice to have a second to relax while the other me does all the work.
Hey, at least you don’t mention getting replies in twitter like:
“Just saw @jay on the supermarket http://twitpic.com/jsdlka (creepy photo they took from you without you noticing / saying hello)”
I’ve got a couple, and they freak me out a little.
Apart from that, our day begins very similar. First thing I do is check my email on the iPhone and then hug and feed my cat.
I haven’t gotten one of those yet. But I have been cornered at several bars.
By good looking people, at least?
I wish.
When you delete more emails that you actually read, that’s how you know you’ve reached the big time. Or need to adjust your junk email filter, one or the other.
I get no nap at lunch, that’s usually the only time I get to be a social media nerd rather than manage client accounts. Just think about that when you blog. I am giving up nap time to read your rants, so your snarky social media commentary is pretty high on the food chain.
Also, HOORAY for theatre nerds. I have not been involved in a show for about a month, and I am beginning to twitch. Community theatre is great, but man does it soak up your free time!
Think being in a show is a time suck? Try being on the board of directors. I never have a life!
You are my new hero Jay - move over Gary Waynerchuk!
Ah…that’s Vaynerchuk - see? I can’t even spell his name right anymore - Dolan is so much simpler!!
They spell Vaynerchuck with a W in Germany.
That’s what I meant of course!
Can I have your autograph?
Sure. Just send me a self-addressed stamped envelope.
I came by to leave a comment so you have something to do at 9:00 tonight!! But I have a very serious question. When do you brush your teeth?
I brush my teeth at 8 am and at 12 am, and usually before dinner at 6pm.
What other aspects of my hygiene would you like to know about?
Do you exercise? When does that happen?
On weekends.
I just read about your first stalker, and his email didn’t seem creepy at all. It looked to me like one of those generic collections of platitudes that anyone could write without reading your blog posts at all. Like the “I read your profile on {dating site I don’t use}” spams I get all the time, or the blog spams of “Awesome post. It saved much time” and “Where did you get this wonderful theme?” that don’t require reading or interacting with the victim.
Meeting the guy, and what came after that, meanwhile, was way creepy. If I get stalked by someone here in Hanoi, I’ll worry. Thus far I’ve been oceans away from the nutjobs who find my Internet stuff.
I want an ocean to separate me from Facebook, and my Facebook stalkers.
we lead very similar lives. minus the mcdonalds and cat part
The cat is the best part. How can you cut that out?
McDonald’s is the worst though.. I need to skip that more.
How far are you along with Catville? does it come with real cats?? Can I upgrade to real cats? I hate the way your throw this into a blog just to tease us
I have a cat. It’s close enough to Catville because I have to feed her every 24 hours or she dies.
That’s why we have the weekends, unless you carry on using Facebook on the weekends…
Love your drawings by the way
Sexy schedule, huh? LOL. I really love how you wrote this post. To some people, your schedule would be enough for them to pull at their hair but I’ll bet that you still enjoy doing your job and I wish you luck with that.