Facebook Wants Your Delicious Organs

Facebook announced users could list themselves as organ donors on their timeline. This was met with immediate praise by zombies, cannibals, and people who are too short-sighted to see the awful truth behind this move.

Soon, Facebook will become OrganBook. Doesn’t that have a lovely ring to it?

Whatever the case, this is just another invasion of user’s privacy. Here are a few of the truly awful reasons Facebook wants you to declare that you are an organ donor

• Facebook is turning us into  flesh-eating zombies - Do you find yourself mindlessly scrolling the newsfeed? As we lose our conscious thoughts to Facebook as we develop the taste for delicious brains, and we need to know where we can get that next meal.
• Facebook is writing an organ meat cookbook - You can’t rely on just on source of revenue, and it’s going to take a lot of liver to feed 800 million people.
• Mark Zuckerberg is actually Hannibal Lector - They’re both ridiculously smart, obsessive, and able to mess with our minds. Zuckerburg already kills everything he eats. How long until he has a taste for human?
• Facebook is breaking into the black market for organs - Again, this diversifies Facebook’s revenue stream. Don’t mind that gaping wound. You said you wanted to donate a kidney!
• Facebook is on a public health crusade - After oragns, Facebook asks people to share whether they are diabetic, have cancer, or are HIV positive. Pharmaceutical companies  salivate as they advertise directly to the patients who desperately need their medicine. “Like” this post to win free dialysis!
• Facebook is making a market for cheap and plentiful organs - Repo! The Genetic Opera doesn’t look that silly. And you can pay with Facebook credits!
• They just want to help people - Yeah. Right.

You’ve already given your heart, mind and soul to Facebook. Don’t be surprised when they come for your flesh next month.