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New Social Networks that No One Cared About

New Social Networks that No One Cared About

Path - 50 Friends away from AngerDo you want to know what week is the absolute worst week to announce anything about your brand new or improved social network?  The week of American Thanksgiving. You basically get two days, Monday and Tuesday, to attract people’s attention, because after Tuesday all people care about is turkey and getting a 40 inch Plasma TV at dirt cheap prices while trampling their competition.

So, here are two cool social networks that have a marketing and press team that has no sense of timing.

Path is a social network that limits you to 50 friends.  I’m on Path with zero friends.  The only thing more depressing than social network with a 50 friend limit is a social network with zero friends and a 50 friend limit.

Diaspora is the open source alternative alternative to Facebook made by a small group of NYU Students. Like most open source projects, they didn’t realize that real people may want to use Diaspora, so you need your own server to run Diaspora. Yeah, you all can call me when you start doing that.

Did any other social networks launch? Did anyone care? Can someone come up with a better idea than sharing, text, pictures and video with people you connect with?

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How Social Media Will Kill You This Week

Weird news happens every day. Amazing animals save lives, dumb criminals can’t even rob a baby, and towns that enact laws that contradict themselves. The bizarre is what makes us human.

I want to start gathering the freakish and terrible social media news of each week into a single place. A gallery of the horrors and oddities.

So, let’s start this off right. Think social media is safe and fun? Of course it isn’t.  Here’s how social media will kill you:

“We can call out bad tweets, chastise their authors and holding them to a better standard, but if we jailed everyone who tweeted something negative, ever, then what would be the point?”

“Psychological stress causes asthma attacks, and seeing an ex-girlfriend’s activity on Facebook qualifies as a type of trigger,according to a case study published in the Lancet medical journal.”

“In fact,the report found that students with the lowest grades just so happen to be the ones who spend the most time on Facebook and similar social networks. Teachers say obsession over social networking hurts attention spans and concentration while consuming time otherwise spent doing homework.”

Terrified yet? Did I miss something? Is LinkedIn coming to get you? I want to see all the horrors of social media.

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This is not social media news, Mashable.
I’m going to keep…

This is not social media news, Mashable. I’m going to keep…



This is not social media news, Mashable.

I’m going to keep this one simple: Until you can deliver and share scents through the internet, it’s not social media news.

And no one wants to smell like pubescent boy.

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This is not social media news, Mashable.
There’s now an…

This is not social media news, Mashable. There’s now an…



This is not social media news, Mashable.

There’s now an article about a vacuum on the world’s most popular social media blog. I guess it’s their way of saying social media sucks.

This is why we can’t have nice websites and focused topics. Someone goes and ruins it with some poorly disguised ad copy about a vacuum.

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This is Not Social Media News, Mashable.
Unless he’s…

This is Not Social Media News, Mashable. Unless he’s…



This is Not Social Media News, Mashable.

Unless he’s tweeting, Facebooking, blogging, or even Google Buzzing, Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman is not social media news.

Also, that’s a terrible picture of Joaquin Phoenix.

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This is not social media news, Mashable.
I love clean, solar…

This is not social media news, Mashable. I love clean, solar…



This is not social media news, Mashable.

I love clean, solar energy as much as the next hippie, but this has absolutely nothing to do with social media.  Ever.

Now, excuse me while I go burn some fossil fuels for my tweets.

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This is not social media news, Mashable.
I’m trying to…

This is not social media news, Mashable. I’m trying to…



This is not social media news, Mashable.

I’m trying to figure out who the hell this piece is written for, since it is a fact that all people hate Nickelback.

Also, Tapulous, if you were going to name the app Nickelback Revenge, at least let us take revenge on them for their assault on our ears all this time.

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This is not social media news, Mashable.
Next time you write a…

This is not social media news, Mashable. Next time you write a…



This is not social media news, Mashable.

Next time you write a post advertising a service, you might want to annotate that the post is sponsored by Verizon.

And if for some reason this post wasn’t sponsored by Verizon, why the hell did you write it?

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