Why Facebook Users Aren’t Sponsored for Their Stories

When I was trying to think of a cooler, more user-friendly way to implement Facebook’s sponsored stories, I originally thought it be cool if users got paid when they were featured in sponsored stories. Even if it was just ten cents each time a user was featured feature, the money would slowly add up.

And then I realized every message on Facebook would turn into this:

Facebook Sponsored Stories Spam - The Anti-Social Media

Yeah, that’s exactly the update I want from my “friends.”

Can you come up with a more ridiculous spam update using major brand names? I want a preview of the crap I’m going to start seeing every day. There’s bonus points for each brand you use.

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17 Responses to “Why Facebook Users Aren’t Sponsored for Their Stories”

  1. Mere Noonan February 2, 2011 at 10:27 am #

    Great point Jay!

    I wonder what the implications would be for the volume of garbage messages sent for no other reason than making a few cents? I might get 100 messages now- bet that would skyrocket. Visions of people sending me their shopping list flash in my head…

    I bet they would also slip in more descriptive wording to make their point. A regular message of “Pick me up some nuggets and a coke- I got the beer and chips” might get someone $0.10 for the word coke- but the same message below would get them $1.00.

    “Can you a-FORD 2 pick up MCDONALDS’s b4 SUPERBOWL? Dyin 4 sum MCNUGGETS and a COKE. AT&T me if no. I got the BUDLIGHT & DORITOS already fr: WAL-MART”

    Take Care and stay warm!!

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 4:35 pm #

      This has me craving McNuggets. If I see ads like this, my waistline won’t last long.

  2. Christine McCarthy February 2, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    I’m glad @norcross pointed me in your direction. Your drawings put the hilarious in my day.

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

      I heart @Norcross. He installed a plugin on my dashboard that gives me snarky quotes every time I blog. It’s pure inspiration.

  3. Morgan February 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    I wonder if we could manipulate the system by having the same company in several different status’ consecutively.

    “I like Netflix”

    “Netflix rocks”

    “Do you use Netflix?”

    “I can access Netflix from my phone!”

    “Did you know Netflix has a ton of instant play movies?”

    “Netflix has INSERT MOVIE TITLE HERE.”

    “Netflix makes me laugh.”

    “I have to go to Poopbook but I can’t bear to leave my Netflix!”

    …Now THAT would get annoying.

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

      I’d like to see, “I wish Netflix had more porn.” in a sponsored story.

      • John February 2, 2011 at 5:50 pm #

        Yeah, It’s tough to find porn on the internet.

        • Jay February 2, 2011 at 11:17 pm #

          It’s only six clicks away at any moment. OH GOD THERE IT IS NOW!

          • Jonoton February 6, 2011 at 4:32 am #

            [Insert laugh here]

  4. Danny Brown February 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    I was a Virgin until a Red Bull Skittled that in a deserted Whole Foods shopping aisle. Left a donut-sized Oreo in my backside - maybe some PopChips will help.

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

      I can’t stop laughing after “I was a Virgin…”

      • Danny Brown February 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

        Thank you - I’m here all week.

        • Jay February 2, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

          Thank God. I can stop blogging for a few days. Have fun mocking Facebook and Twitter.

  5. Jami Dix February 2, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    I can’t compete with that Danny…Awesomeness….thanks for the laugh…

  6. Dino Dogan February 2, 2011 at 7:17 pm #

    lol..thats a great one dude..your drawing prowess is unsurpassed by mere mortals.

    • Jay February 2, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

      I strive to be the next Da Vinci.

  7. Heather February 5, 2011 at 3:56 am #

    From a Mommy’s perspective…
    I would LUV’S to be very PARENT’S CHOICE about the latest in TARGET-d advertising, but unfornately I have to LYSOL everything in my JEEP, because my childs quaranteed leak protection PAMPER’S is about as helpful as the ANGEL SOFT toliet paper I just purchased at WAL-MART!

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